Stop Scaring Yourself

If you often find yourself spiralling into “what if” thoughts, eg what if something goes wrong?, what if I can’t cope?, what if I fail?, it’s more common than you might think. Catastrophising is one of the most common thinking traps I see in my therapy room.

Why do I Catastrophise?

It happens because our brains are wired for survival. The nervous system is always scanning for danger, trying to protect us from harm. Catastrophising is also the mind’s way of staying busy with imagined problems, so that it doesn’t have to sit with the real feelings underneath.

The mind goes into overdrive, imagining all sorts of threats that aren’t even there so that we end up living in our heads and scaring oursleves silly. You might find your heart starts racing, anxiety gets worse and you have sleepless nights with an endless loop of negative thoughts about things that may never happen. Most of the time, these things never come true. And if you think about it, whenever challenges have arisen in your life, you probably found a way to cope. That’s not how it feels at 2am though is it?

Catastrophising is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of an overactive protective system and some avoidance of feelings. The key isn’t to shut your thoughts down, but to question and challenge them with gentle curiosity.

How Do I Stop Catastrophising?

The antidote to fear-filled thinking is self-awareness. Notice, notice, notice. When a worry thought shows up: eg “I’ll never have enough money,” “They don’t like me,” or “I’m not good enough”, take a pause and a deep breath into your tummy. Then write down the thought and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is this thought true?
   At first, it might feel like it is. That’s okay.
2. Can I know that it’s 100% true?
   Usually, the answer is no. This question helps widen your perspective.
3. How do I feel when I believe this thought?
   Notice and name the emotions and physical sensations that come up, eg sadness, anger, fear, tightness in the chest, heaviness in the stomach, etc.
4. Does this thought bring peace or stress into my life?
   Most of our catastrophic thoughts bring stress, not peace.
5. Who would I be without that thought?
   Next, see if you can picture how your life might feel if you’d never had that thought. Even imagining this can give your nervous system a moment of calm.
6. Turn the thought around.
   “I’m not good enough” becomes “I am good enough.”
   “People don’t like me” becomes “People like me.”
7. Find three pieces of evidence that support the new, more balanced version.
   This is how we retrain the brain to calm down and trust that things will be okay.

A Daily Practice:

Each evening this week, take five minutes to notice the thoughts that scared you that day. Then, name them out loud or in your journal, as though you were describing them to a kind friend.

Ask yourself:

• What was I imagining?
• How did it make me feel?
• What might be a kinder or truer version of that thought?

Journal Prompts:

✍️ When fear gets hold of me, what story does my mind start telling me?

✍️ What’s one thought that tends to make me spiral out of control?

✍️ How would it feel to trust that, whatever happens, I will be able to handle it?

💜 If you want to learn how to love yourself, you need to stop scaring yourself.

Next week, we’ll explore Step Four: Be Kind and Patient with Yourself. You can go back and read Steps One and Two Here 👇

💗 Step One to Self-Love: Stop All Criticism;

💗 Step Two to Self-Love: Forgive Yourself

Want to know how to start to journal: Enrol on my mini course ‘How to Journal for Mental Health’ HERE.

👉 Download your FREE Self-Love Affirmations here

#self-love #howtolovemyself #12stepstoselflove #selfloveprompts #selfloveexercise #catastrophising