Stop All Criticism

Many of us have fallen into the habit of judging and criticising ourselves harshly. Often, this comes from having a core belief that there is something wrong with you. A big part of learning to love yourself is recognising that there is nothing wrong with you. What you learned were patterns and behaviours from childhood, including self-criticism instead of self-compassion.

When I ask clients what words they use to tell themselves off, they say things like: “idiot,” “useless,” “stop being silly,” or “you fool.” These words don’t motivate change, they simply make us feel bad and reinforce the belief that we are flawed.

The truth about self-criticism

If you grew up being criticised, or felt responsible for keeping others happy, self‑criticism can become a deep‑rooted habit. But contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t create change. We might think it will drive us to do better, but all it does is keep us stuck in shame and self‑judgement.

How to start changing your inner voice

In order to turn this around and start falling in love with yourself, you have to refuse to criticise yourself. And then work on approving and accepting yourself instead.

Start by noticing the tone of your internal voice. You do need to take the time to notice, because negative self-talk is so habitual, we are often unaware of it. That’s why my mantra for clients (and myself) is: notice, notice, notice. Notice what words you use when you make a mistake? You might be shocked by how often you are mean to yourself and how harsh the inner critic can be, but awareness is power and you can’t change what you don’t notice.

If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself, they wouldn’t be your friends for long would they? Or imagine if you criticised your partner in the same way that you criticise yourself?  They wouldn’t stick around either!

Make an agreement with yourself to stop all criticism.

When you catch that inner voice being harsh, say out loud:

“Oh, there you are again. I’m going to chose kindness.”

Then, reframe your words. Instead of “You’re such an idiot,” try “You made a mistake because you’re human” . or “What can I learn from this?”

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but if you keep practicing, your nervous system will start to trust that it is safe to be kind to yourself.

💡 Tip:
If your inner critic feels like a constant radio station in the background, give it a name — “Harsh FM” or “Not Enough FM.”

Then practise retuning the dial to “Kind FM” or “Wise FM.”

Journal Prompts:

✍️ When was the last time I criticised myself…?

✍️ What words did I use…?

✍️ What would I say to a friend in the same situation…?

Practice:

📝 Grab your journal or a piece of paper.
📝 Create two coloumns.
📝 In the left column, write the most common self-critical thoughts you have noticed.
📝 in the right column, write a kinder alternatives, eg the way you’d say it to a friend or loved one.

Example:

Notice how your body feels when you speak kindly to yourself.

This is a daily practice, so make a commitment right now:

💜 “For the next seven days, I choose to stop criticising myself and begin speaking to myself with kindness and compassion.”

Next week, we’ll explore Step Two — Forgive Yourself.

👉 Download your FREE Self-Love Affirmations here

👉 Download a summary of the 12 steps here

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