You’ve got a good life. You’ve worked hard, achieved things you’re proud of, and from the outside, everything looks pretty good. So why do you feel so flat?
Perhaps you’ve lost your motivation. Things that used to excite you don’t seem to anymore. You feel stuck, restless or disconnected, but you can’t quite explain why. And then comes the guilt. I should be happy. I’ve got so much to be grateful for. What’s wrong with me? Sound familiar?
After years of working as a counsellor and EMDR therapist, I’ve met many people who feel exactly like this. And one thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes, feeling flat and unmotivated isn’t about needing more in your life. It’s about losing touch with yourself along the way.
Why am I feeling flat and unmotivated when I’ve got everything I wanted?
Think about how much of your life you’ve spent doing what you thought you should do. Being good. Working hard. Keeping everyone happy. Being successful. Not making a fuss. Perhaps you’ve spent years putting other people’s needs before your own, hiding how you really feel or trying to prove you’re good enough. You might have built a successful life in the process, but somewhere along the way, you’ve forgotten what makes you happy.
I know something about this myself. When I left a toxic marriage, I realised how much of myself I’d lost. I’d spent years walking on eggshells, keeping everyone else happy and forgetting about myself. What helped me find my way back was reconnecting with my values and passions. I returned to education and started exploring subjects that genuinely interested me. Something just for me. And slowly, I began remembering who I was.
Why feeling flat and unmotivated doesn’t mean you’re lazy
Here’s something I wish more people understood. Feeling unmotivated doesn’t automatically mean you’re lazy, ungrateful or that there’s something wrong with you. Sometimes you’ve just spent so long surviving, striving and meeting expectations that you’ve lost touch with what brings you joy. And when we’ve spent years pushing away difficult feelings, we can sometimes find it harder to connect with the lovely ones too.
Imagine sitting on a beautiful beach, watching the most gorgeous sunset. You can see how wonderful it is. You know you should be enjoying it. But you can’t quite feel it because your brain is too busy.
Why your brain remembers the bad stuff
Our brains have a natural tendency to pay more attention to negative experiences. Psychologists call this the negativity bias. We remember the criticism, the mistakes and the things we wish we’d done differently. But what about everything we’ve done well?
I recently worked with a successful business owner who had a clear vision for her business and some brilliant ideas, but kept doubting herself. She’d say things like, “I’m stuck. Maybe I’m in the wrong business. or “I just can’t do this on my own.”
Using The Reconnect Method™, we explored memories of times she’d trusted herself, made brave decisions and achieved things she was proud of. One memory led to another. And before long, she’d remembered seven or eight experiences that reminded her of her confidence and self-belief.
We spent time reconnecting with how those moments actually felt, using EMDR-informed resourcing techniques to strengthen those positive memories. By the end, she was smiling and visibly energised. She told me, “I feel amazing. I feel empowered. I feel inspired.” All her achievements hadn’t disappeared. She’d just lost touch with how they felt and what they meant about her.
Client details have been kept non-identifying to protect confidentiality.
How to reconnect when you’re feeling flat and unmotivated
Here’s a little exercise you can try today.
1. Get comfortable. Put your feet on the floor and take a few long, slow breaths.
2. Remember a positive moment. Think back to a time when you felt confident, happy, proud or excited. It doesn’t have to be anything big. (Give yourself time. Positive memories don’t always come immediately).
3. Reconnect with the feeling. Where were you? Who was there? What could you see or hear? How did you feel in your body? Stay with the good feelings for at least 90 seconds.
4. Bring it into today. Ask yourself this…How could I use a little of that confidence, joy or courage in my life today?
That’s a simple introduction to The Reconnect Method™.
It’s not about pretending the difficult stuff never happened. It’s about giving the good stuff some attention too. These tools aren’t about fixing you. They’re about helping you reconnect with who you really are, beneath all the expectations, responsibilities and beliefs you’ve picked up along the way.
You haven’t lost your spark. You can begin reconnecting with it.
If you’ve spent years focusing on what’s wrong with you, what you haven’t achieved or what you still need to change. You might want to start remembering everything that’s right about you?
The confidence. The courage. The joy. The moments when you trusted yourself. Those experiences are part of your story too.
Take five minutes today to remember one moment when you felt really good about yourself. Go on, you can do that. ❤️
I’m Tracy Ann Wood, Counsellor, EMDR therapist and creator of The Reconnect Method™. My work helps people reconnect with their confidence, self-belief and joy using positive memories and EMDR-informed resourcing. Ready to reconnect with your happy, not just your heavy?
Explore The Reconnect Method™, my three-session, one-to-one experience designed to help you reconnect with the positive qualities already within you.
❤️ Follow me on my social channels for more tiny tips to reconnect with your confidence, self-belief and joy, and remember how amazing you already are. ⤵️
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