Found yourself replaying a conversation over and over in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing or what people would think about it? Maybe you’ve held yourself back from doing something because you were worried what other people might think about you? It’s a very common experience. Here’s the secret that no one tells you. Believe it or not, most people are not thinking about you as much as you think they are, and as a therapist, here’s a few things I’ve learned about this over the years:

1) People Are Caught Up in Their Own World

Yes, some people might think about you—some good, some bad.  But the majority of people are not spending their time analysing your every move. Instead, they’re wrapped up in their own thoughts, their own worries, and—let’s be honest—probably thinking about what they’re going to have for tea

2) People See The World From Their Own Point of View

Other people’s reactions and the way they see things is shaped by their own values, beliefs and experiences, so they will never see it from your point of view anyway. 

3) We Cannot Read Someone’s Mind

We think we can mind-read what other people are thinking, but in reality, that’s just not possible.  We often get it wrong or make incorrect assumptions which can lead to misunderstandings.

4) The Judgement Might Come from Within

Sometimes we don’t want to acknowledge our own insecurities, so we project them onto other people.  We assume they’re judging us, but in reality, it’s our own self-criticism being reflected back to us.

5) Worrying What You Think About Them

Most folks are often more concerned with how they are being perceived. So while you’re wondering what someone thinks of you, they might be worrying about what you are thinking of them! Everyone experiences self-doubt at times, and just like you, they may be overanalysing their own words or actions. In many cases, people are so focused on themselves that they hardly notice the things you’re stressing over.

Realising this can be incredibly freeing—it means you can let go of the pressure to be perfect and simply show up as yourself.  When you stop living in fear of other people’s opinions, life gets a whole lot easier.  You can start making choices based on what truly matters to you, rather than on some imagined judgement from others.

How to break free when you catch yourself worrying about what others think:

• Don’t take it personally – Remind yourself that what others think is more about them than you. Their reactions are shaped by their own experiences and beliefs.
• Challenge your own thoughts – Ask yourself: Is this true? Do I have real evidence that this person is judging me, or am I just mind-reading? Is it possible I think that about myself sometimes?
• Embrace the discomfort – Feeling a little uncomfortable is normal when you stop seeking approval from others.  Bring your attention back to the present moment and focus on taking a few slow, deep breaths.    
• Be kind and compassionate with yourself – remind yourself that you are human, just like everyone else.  You get things right and you make mistakes and it’s all OK. 

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do is be yourself. The right people will appreciate you for who you are, and the rest? They’re probably just thinking about their next meal. 😆

👉 Overthinking: 3 Tips to Stop Overthinking

👉 Setting boundaries: Mastering the Art of Setting Boundaries: Your Guide to a Happier Life

👉 How we make decisions?: Where is your locus of control?

#therapy #anxiety #emotionalregulation #permissiontofeel #feelingyourfeelings