There was a time when I really believed that self-love was selfish and wrong.  Big headed, self-indulgent, show-offs are the words that would come to mind.  They are words that my own ears would hear many times and sadly, words that I came to use myself.  “She bloody loves herself she does”. That’s what I might have uttered. As if it was completely obvious that loving ourselves was an offense towards humanity.

This left me in a bit of a double-bind.  I longed for love but didn’t know how to love myself, so I had to look elsewhere.  Endlessly seeking love and approval from external sources turned me into the ‘good girl’, who made the needs of others a priority and neglected her own.  The ‘people pleaser’ who felt ridiculously grateful if someone so much as glanced her way.

Over 50 years

It took me over 50 years before I realised my desperation for external approval was never going to work.  I was exhausted. I’d had enough of pleasing and proving.  There was a pivotal moment when I truly got it.  I felt winded, like someone had punched me in the chest.  It took my breath away.  It would not matter if the entire world loved me, it would never be enough, unless I learned to love myself. 

That’s 50 years of energy spent on trying to fill the void I felt inside, allowing other people to be in charge of my self-worth.  50 years of effort, avoiding social occasions, not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was crippled with worry what other people were thinking and saying about me.  Many more years wondering if people were judging me and worrying what they were thinking.   How many years of loving other people’s opinion, more than I loved myself.  I could cry thinking about all that wasted time.

So is self-love selfish?

No. It isn’t!

There was only one way to turn this around, and that was to start loving myself.  Sounds simple enough.  The problem was, I’d never been taught how to love myself. And if I’m honest, I didn’t even know that it was a thing, so I’d simply never learned how to do it.

And it turns out that nearly everyone I talked to didn’t know how to do it either.  How about you?

If like me, you’ve had enough of pleasing and proving, now is the perfect time to stop doing that and start loving yourself.  If like me, you just don’t know where to start, I’d love to walk together with you on this incredible journey.

Get in touch or email me now to set up a free call: tracy@tracyannwood.com

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