If the idea of speaking in front of people makes your stomach churn, your face go read and your mind go completely blank, you are very much not alone. For so many people, anxiety about public speaking isn’t really about the words or the confidence. It’s about fear of the feelings that come with being seen.

The racing heart.
The shaky voice.
The fear of getting it wrong.

However, here’s the life-changing truth: when you learn to tolerate emotions, your confidence will grow. You might not enjoy the feelings, but when you can handle them, you can do almost anything. And yes, even speak in front of people.

It’s Not the Talking, It’s the Feelings

Most people have the belief:

“I’m bad at public speaking.”
“I’m just not as confident as other people.”
“I can’t handle it.”

Yet what’s really happening is: your nervous system is trying to protect you from discomfort. Public speaking often triggers:

• Fear of judgement
• Fear of embarrassment
• Fear of getting it wrong
• Fear of being seen

In other words, fear of feelings. So naturally, your body reacts with…

Sweaty palms.
Racing thoughts.
A loud inner critic.

However, the goal isn’t to eliminate these emotions. It’s to learn that you can feel them and still be okay. That’s where real and lasting emotional confidence is born.

The Power of Tolerating Emotions

Here’s what I teach my clients in therapy: confidence isn’t the absence of fear. Confidence is knowing you can handle the emotional outcome. When you can tolerate:

✔ Nervousness
✔ Vulnerability
✔ Discomfort
✔ Adrenaline
✔ Shame

Your brain stops treating situations as dangerous. And slowly, your world expands. This is exactly what I had to learn myself.

I was absolutely petrified of speaking in front of people. I couldn’t even make eye contact, never mind speak. So I started small. One shaky sentence in a meeting. Then a short talk. Then a small workshop. My knees knocked. My face went red. There were a lot of cringe-worthy moments (we all have them). But each time I stayed with the feelings instead of escaping them, something amazing happened. My nervous system learned: “I survived that.”

And miraculously, I began to enjoy it. Not because fear vanished. But because I learned to tolerate it.

Emotional Confidence: How Therapy Helps You Feel Safer

In my work as a Counsellor and EMDR therapist, I help people retrain their nervous systems. Together we:

• Learn to understand their emotional triggers
• Build tolerance for their uncomfortable feelings
• Release stored up fear and shame
• Create emotional safety inside their bodies

Talk therapy helps you make sense of the fear. EMDR helps your body release it. And emotional education teaches you that feelings are not dangerous.

Tools like my FREE feelings wheel help you name what’s happening inside instead of feeling overwhelmed by it. And grounding exercises like the 54321 grounding exercise helps calm your nervous system when anxiety rises. When emotions feel manageable, situations feel manageable too.

The Beautiful Side Effect: Confidence Grows Naturally

Here’s the secret no one tells you: you don’t become confident first and then do scary things. You do scary things while feeling emotions, and confidence grows afterwards. Each time you tolerate discomfort, your brain rewires. Each time you stay present, fear loses its grip. Confidence becomes a by-product of emotional strength, so your belief starts to become: “I can handle this.”

Which means you can start to:

✔ Speak up
✔ Set boundaries
✔ Show up as yourself
✔ Trust your inner voice

Want to go deeper?

If learning to feel your emotions, instead of fearing your emotions speaks to you, you might love:

• My Udemy course: How to Journal for Mental Health.
• My Udemy course: How to Use the Feelings Wheel to Tame Your Emotions

💗 Want to work with me 1:1? Click here to book a complimentary 30 min session.

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