You’re getting on with life. Working. Looking after everyone. Remembering the birthdays, replying to the emails and generally appearing to have your act together. But underneath it all, something feels… off. Perhaps you used to feel more confident. More carefree. More decisive. Now you overthink everything, doubt yourself and wonder where that version of you went. Maybe you’ve also caught yourself thinking, “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
Why don’t I feel like myself anymore?
One of the things I hear a lot of clients say is:
“I used to be so confident.”
Or:
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
And I understand why it feels that way, but I want to reassure you that those parts of you have not disappeared. Life just gets very busy and very loud. So it’s not that you have lost who you are. It’s that stress, responsibility and difficult experiences gradually cover up those parts of us, making it harder to access our confidence, calm and courage.
Our brains also naturally pay more attention to potential problems and threats than to all the evidence that we’re doing well, sometimes called a negativity bias. So your brain remembers the presentation where you stumbled over your words but conveniently forgets the other 47 where you were absolutely fine. Over time, this can affect your confidence, relationships, decisions and even how much you enjoy the life you’ve worked so hard to create.
How to feel like yourself again
Calm? Confidence? Courage? Joy? Fun? Self-belief?
You don’t need to reinvent yourself. Instead, start looking for evidence of the person who is already there.
1. Choose what you want more of
Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with me?”, try: “What would I like to feel more of?”
Choose one. This gives your mind somewhere helpful to focus.
2. Look backwards for evidence
Now ask yourself: “Are there times that I have felt like this before?”
We have to work harder to focus on positive memories than negative ones, so take your time and don’t dismiss small things. Perhaps you spoke up in a meeting, travelled somewhere alone, handled a difficult situation or made a decision you were proud of. Those moments matter because they’re evidence.
3. Stop dismissing the good stuff
This is where many of us come unstuck:
“That doesn’t count.”
“Anyone could have done that.”
“I was younger then.”
Notice when your inner critic pipes up. And then remind yourself: “It still counts.” Because it really does.
4. Practise reconnecting
Pick one positive memory. Close your eyes and bring it to mind. Notice where you were, what you could see and, most importantly, how you felt. Spend 30–60 seconds simply allowing yourself to reconnect with that version of you.
Common mistakes when you don’t feel like yourself anymore
#1: Trying to think your way out of it.
If you’re already living in your head, more analysing isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you need to experience something differently, not understand it harder.
#2: Waiting until you feel confident.
Confidence often grows after we do the thing, not before. Start small and give your brain new evidence.
#3: Assuming you’ve lost yourself.
Perhaps you haven’t lost yourself at all. Perhaps you’ve simply become disconnected from qualities that haven’t had much airtime lately.
Tools to help you reconnect with yourself
In my work as a counsellor and EMDR therapist, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when we stop focusing solely on what’s wrong and begin noticing what’s already right. Talk therapy can help us understand our experiences and patterns. EMDR can also be used to strengthen positive memories and inner resources.
That’s the thinking behind my Essence of You Journey.
Rather than processing traumatic memories, this personalised package focuses on a quality you’d like to strengthen, such as confidence, calm, courage or self-belief. Together, we identify real memories that show this quality already exists within you. Then we use gentle EMDR techniques to strengthen your connection to those memories and help that quality become easier to access in everyday life. You also receive personalised resources to continue reinforcing what you’ve discovered afterwards. Discover the Essence of You Journey → HERE
Other gentle ways to begin include:
- Choosing one small action each day that reflects the person you want to reconnect with.
- Keeping an evidence list of moments when you handled something well.
- Free 10 Minute Pause Mini Course – practical daily exercises to create space in your busy mind.
- Use my gratitude and positivity journal. to help your brain notice more of what’s going well with my
For more gentle reminders and practical tools like this, follow me on social media ⤵️
#confidence #selfbelief #livinginmyhead #anxiety #Bingley #TalkTherapy #Counselling #EMDR
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